Janeane Garofalo, Air America pinup girl, by peterfrt

You'll laugh, you'll cry, she'll hurl

So take another toke, have a blow for your nose
One more drink, fool, will drown you
Ooooh, that smell
Can't you smell that smell?
Ooooh, that smell
The smell of death surrounds you.

-- Lynyrd Skynyrd, "That Smell"

 They like the smell of it in Hollywood.

-- Madonna, "Hollywood"

Sorry I jumped to the conclusion that you're going to rehab 'cause you were strung out, Michelle.

The media feeds us so much info on so many girls in entertainment today messin' up their lives with drugs.

--Roy Billingsley, "Curtis"

They tried to make me go to rehab -- I said no, no, no.

-- Janeane Garofalo

 Janeane Garofalo is fucked up.

-- Songs that Didn't Exist

Torn from today's headlines, the story of a li'l ol' gal - and we do mean li'l and we do mean ol' - from Houston, Texas and all her wretched excesses. A chronicle so big about a diva so small that it demanded its own web site. Not just a web site but an intervention.

The disintegration of Janeane Garofalo's career and personal life has become so legendary that it's spawned a term among Hollywood insiders: "Garofaloco." Whenever a celebrity or starlet implodes, she is said to have gone "Garofaloco." In other words, BSS (Britney Spears Syndrome). Like Janeane, Britney got married in Las Vegas in a drunken stupor. Unlike Janeane, Britney was smart enough to realize she'd made a mistake and got it annulled.

Hollywood also mutters about the "Garofalo curse" -- not to be confused with Garofalo cursing -- after all, she's America's formerly-cute-but-potty-mouthed-former sweetheart. This refers to a string of box office duds, critical failures, canceled television and radio shows, a bankrupt radio network (Air America has another new owner; Stephen Green flees sinking ship) and pilots that never got made into series.

In LA, Janeane is one of the preeminent "show- killers," right up there with Paula Marshall and Alison LaPlaca. In fact, network executives have been known to bring Garofalo onto a long-running show suffering from creative exhaustion in order to put it out of its misery, most recently with "West Wing" and currently with "24."

[The June issue of Hustler magazine featured an article on "Air America: down in flames -- Is radio's largest progressive network headed for disaster? Sirius Radio's Alex Bennett tells the truth about its up-and-down flight" as well as "Tom Hartman: cracking the code -- morning radio's voice of reason examines the myths used by the  Right to cloud the mind -- and offers ways to reclaim the truth." Along with The Nation, Hustler is a leading progressive voice, featuring such Janeane Garofalo favorites as political theorist Noam Chomsky and Democracy Now's Amy Goodman, not to mention reviews of Hollywood productions like "Get That Black Pussy You Big Dick White Bastard Mutha Fucka!!!"]

Political pundits have identified a condition called "Garofalogorrhea," characterized by celebrities shooting from the hip, also known as "foot-in-mouth disease." Recent victims have included Rush Limbaugh, Hillary Clinton, Randi Rhodes, Geraldine Ferraro, Gloria Steinem, Michelle Obama and Jane Fonda. As Gennifer Flowers observed, "What is fame without dignity?"

It's all here: the sagging career, fading looks, poor grooming ("Judging by Janeane Garofalo's arm pits, you'd think she'd be pro Bush." -- Reno Collier), bad hygiene (her lack of cleanliness is so legendary in the entertainment industry  "Mad TV" spoofed it), school-marm glasses, cluttered apartment, lousy fashion sense, insecurity, failed relationships, promiscuity, meaningless sex, dime store psychological analysis, tinfoil-hat-wearing, crackpot politics; rudeness, Manichean worldview, pseudo-feminism, nonsensical statements, smoking, drinking, drugs, ugly tattoos, strange rashes, uncontrollable bowel movements and flatulence, smelly feet, numerous other ailments, refusal to get thee to a gym, self-destructive behaviors and neuroses, including an Electra complex as big as a house.

Not to mention her asshole friends, Hollywierd hypocrisy, flyover mentality, laziness, penchant for self-mutilation, addiction to plastic surgery, eating disorders, career compromises and poor choices, amateurism, self-indulgent performances, failure to keep her promises and honor her commitments, lies, infidelities, adulteries, and well-hidden ties to the Exxon Mobil crime family.

By the way, before Janeane Garofalo goes into another one of her hate-filled rants against the "Bush Crime Family," perhaps she should check her own closet for possible Sopranos, er, skeletons.

And let's not forget her inexplicable respect for Julia Roberts, anger management problem, selective moral outrage, Attention Addiction, narcissism, confused sexuality, cynicism, nihilism and nasty little mind. 

Smoke 'em if you got 'em

Cigarettes in Movies Turns Teens into Active Smokers -- MedPage Today

LEBANON, N.H., Sept. 4 -- Teens who see more smoking in movies may be more likely to get hooked themselves.

So found researchers who surveyed 6,522 children and adolescents ages 10 to 14 about their smoking and movie-watching habits in 2003, reported James D. Sargent, M.D., of Dartmouth, and colleagues, in the September issue of Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine.

They selected the top U.S. box-office hits per year for 1998 to 2002 as well as 34 movies that grossed at least $15 million at the box office in the first four months of 2003. A computer then randomly selected 50 movies for inclusion in the telephone interviews.

And how about her failure to take responsibility and apologize for her role in glamorizing smoking, an addiction which will kill an estimated billion people in this century (Richmond Times-Dispatch) and supporting an industry that preys on the most vulnerable: young people, minorities and the third world.

Garofalo (Female Smoking Celebrity List)

I'm a Vicadoodle dandy

Not content to get Generation X hooked on smoking, Janeane has gone on to champion the joys of Vicodin to a whole new generation of slackers wankers losers experimenters.

Q: You've been sober for four years now, right?

A: I guess. For a long time, I was a real fucking drug addict and an alcoholic. But I rarely went on stage loaded. At the end of a show -- that's when I'd get Vicodin'd.

-- Ozzy Osbourne, Details magazine

Even professional moron Ozzy Osbourne wised up and stopped taking Vicodin, which destroys your liver even faster than alcohol. However, Janeane still hasn't figured it out yet. Vicodin, it's not just for batshit-crazy musicians any more, it's for batshit-crazy comediennes too.

And there's her hypocrisy in championing Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgendered causes while being ashamed to admit she is bisexual herself. Let's face it: the woman has more baggage than Arianna Huffington checking into the Plaza.

We'll expose Janeane Garofalo for the Israel and America-hating, "venomous" (Nicholas von Hoffman), "savage" (Radio Equalizer), bloodthirsty, controlling, manipulative, socially awkward, insecure, scatterbrained, "erratic" (Radio Equalizer), "reclusive" (Radio Equalizer), stingy, money-grubbing, latte-sipping liberal and Luddite with a low libido she is.

Let's not to forget she's a hack:

What liberal media? What liberal liberals?  

…liberals control the media. There’s Rupert Murdoch – well, okay. But General Electric (which owns NBC), Viacom (which owns CBS) and Disney (which owns ABC), they’re all liberals. Sure GE tries to confuse honest Americans by building nuclear weapons and nuclear power plants, and Viacom’s Sumner Redstone said in 2004 that Bush was the best candidate for business, but we know best. Heck, Disney has been trying to undermine the American family since Minnie let Mickey kiss her without a wedding ring. (No wonder they haven’t told us the truth about those Iraqi WMDs.)

- Eric Alterman, “Why We Loath Liberals,” Playboy, May 2008

Actually, we loath liberals because they're freaking hypocrites. "What liberal media?" Janeane Garofalo used to intone sardonically on "The Majority Report," on which Alterman used to appear. Actually, there isn't a media corporation on Alterman's list for which Janeane Garofalo hasn't worked. Well, at least she hasn't appeared in Playboy -- oops. (Apparently Eric didn't get the memo from Janeane about how Playboy objectifies women. Maybe he was too busy cashing his check.)

We smell a rodent, or stinky cheese

During her stint on "The Majority Report," Janeane Garofalo used to rail against corporate weasels, but that didn't preclude her from going on to work for corporate rodents as long as she got her cheddar, no matter how smelly the provenance. Bangladeshi seamstresses receive $1.25 a day for embroidering Disney t-shirts (The Washington Post). No word on how much Garofalo got paid a day for her voice work on "Ratatouille" or how big was Disney/Pixar big cheese Steve "People think I'm an asshole, don't they?" Jobs' slice.

Time right for Garofalo - The Hollywood Reporter

The political left and the political right are going to meet on Fox's "24" this coming season.

Actress-comedian Janeane Garofalo, an outspoken liberal, is set to co-star on the conservative-leaning real-time drama, whose co-creator/executive producer Joel Surnow jokingly describes himself as a "right-wing nut job."

On the Imagine TV/20th Century Fox TV series, Garofalo will play a government agent who is part of the team investigating the crisis befalling Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) and company in the upcoming season.

More

Torture: that's entertainment

Hmmm, I'm trying to get my mind around this. Is this same Janeane Garofalo who used to berate her friends on "The Majority Report" on Air America for dating Republicans, going to work for the producer of "24," a self-described "right-wing nutjob"? Not to mention Rupert Murdoch, one of the biggest cheerleaders in the run-up to the Iraq War and liberal archenemy. This has got to be the biggest, latest example of hypocrisy since Arnold Schwarzenegger went after violent video games.

Today, and it's a measure of our changing American world, a child turning on the TV serial "24" or heading for the nearest hot, new action flick at the local multiplex knows that Americans do torture and that torture, once the cultural province of our most evil enemies, is now a practice that is 100% all-American and perfectly justifiable (normally by the ticking-bomb scenario). And few even blink. In lockdown America, it computes. The snarl at the border fits well enough with what our Vice President has termed a "no-brainer," a "dunk in the water" in the torture chamber. There is no deniability left in the movies -- and little enough of it in real life.

American presidents of the Vietnam and Latin American war years operated in a realm of deniability when it came to torture and other such practices. No American could then have imagined a Vice President heading for Capitol Hill to lobby openly for a torture bill or a President publicly threatening to veto congressional legislation banning torture techniques. Call it the end of an era of American hypocrisy, if you will, but the Bush legacy will be, in part, simply the routinization of the practice of torture, abuse, kidnapping, and illegal imprisonment.

George W. Bush didn't invent the world he inhabits. He, his top officials, and all their lawyers who wrote those bizarre "torture memos" that will be hallmarks of his era chose from existing strains of thought, from urges and tendencies already in American culture. But their record on this has, nonetheless, been remarkable. In just about every case, they chose to bring out the worst in us; in just about every case, they took us on as direct a journey as possible to the dark side.

-- Tomgram: How Bush Took Us to the Dark Side, January 2

America's formerly-cute-but-left-wing sweetheart is going to appear in popular culture's biggest purveyor of Gitmo porno, GWOT-flavored Kool-Aid, and torture chic. This is the show, as reported by creepy talker Rachel "Mad Cow" Maddow on Scare America, that the Pentagon asked to tone down their scenes of torture because the U.S. armed forces were getting the wrong idea.

This is a series that, if it isn't Dick Cheney's favorite, should be. Michael Chertoff of Homeland Security likes the show so much he gave the cast a personal tour of the real-life CTU when they were shooting in Washington, DC. Here's a promo for Janeane Garofalo on "24."

Man oh man oh man, I'm going to love hearing Janeane  rationalize this. Janeane, Janeane, Janeane, you've got some 'splaining to do to your PC friends. Can you say co-opted, boys and girls? I knew you could.

Thar's gold in them thar shills for the neocon wet dream. Seems like only yesterday that I suggested Janeane Garofalo was a nappy-headed ho known thespian who would do anything for money. Ooops, I was wrong. Guess I'll have to crawl through cut glass...

Janeane, Janeane, Janeane, has it come down to this? You're only one step away from getting paired with Michelle Malkin on a FOX News show a la "Hannity & Colmes."

At this point, you're probably saying to yourself that, like Oprah, Hillary Clinton, and Nancy Pelosi, Janeane Garofalo must be stopped before she takes over the world and makes it safe for San Francisco Values. But you're probably asking, "What can I, only one person, do to stand up to such a powerful member of the entertainment-industrial complex?"

Thankfully, there is an answer. Call the Janeane Garofalo Hate Line at 804-614-7046 and register your disapproval of America's formerly-cute-but-left-wing prima donna. Call early and call often! Trained Bangladeshi operators are standing by. Speak truth to power!

Roots, brunette and otherwise

"Girl Gone Wild" has sprung from the loins -- and we all know how painful that can be -- of the creator of  "Janeane Garofalo for the rest of us," arguably the most comprehensive web site about Janeane Garofalo that ever walked the face of the earth. "JGFTROS," as it was affectionately known, clawed its way to the top of the Google food chain -- and we all know how painful that can be. Not to mention the Janeane Garofalo Forum, a hangout for Janeane's highly neurotic and dysfunctional fans.

Its webmaster is a pastor at the Ebeneezer Scrooge Baptist Church in Richmond, VA where he preaches a fiery sermon every Sunday entitled, "G-d Damn Janeane Garofalo."

Follow Janeane Garofalo's slow and agonizing descent into political inconsistency, madness, degeneracy, and death on the web site's blog at http://janeane.info/blog/.

>> Who We Are >> Horoscope >> Job opportunities >> Advertising >> Links >> Search

Fan mail

Janeane, I don't know if u will get this email or not but my name is Matthew - & I Love you just the way you are!

Largo at the Coronet Announces Summer Lineup - LAist

[LAist is a web site about Los Angeles] 

If you haven't caught a show at Largo at the Coronet yet, now might be a good time. Their recently posted, insanely good schedule for the next three months includes performers such as Randy Newman, Loudon Wainwright III, Joan as Police Woman, Maya Rudolph & Fred Armisen, Patton Oswalt, Sarah Silverman, Janeane Garofalo, Jon Brion, The Ditty Bops, Colin Hay, The Watkins Family Hour feat. Fiona Apple & Dan Wilson, Greg Proops and Flight of the Conchords.

The Randy Newman show is already sold out, as is the July 26 Greg Proops & Flight of the Conchords date. However, when it comes to the Conchords, one would imagine there's probably a good chance they'll show up for Largo's "1st National International New Zealand Day" on Aug. 2.

Video clip from the Largo film, which recently debuted at the LA Film Festival.

Link to LAist 

Janeane Garofalo to co-star in yet another forgettable ensemble comedy

Which means that Lisa Lamparski is now seven, er, eight, er, nine bad movies from becoming another Janeane Garofalo. In other news, it's expected to be rainy in Seattle, sunny in Los Angeles and cold in Anchorage today.

(FROM VARIETY) – Carrie-Anne Moss, Janeane Garofalo, Richard E. Grant, Jenna Elfman, Rita Rudner, Camryn Manheim, Caroline Aaron, and Johnny Pacar have all been added to an ensemble cast for writer-director Barra Grant's HangingOutHookingUpFallingInLove.The story is about a newly separated father having to learn how to date again with help from his teenage son who himself is trying to capture a girl's heart. Grant wrote and directed Life of the Party, and she's written Fridays at Five and production rewrites on Banger Sisters, Pay It Forward, and Cheer Up. 

What's in your Netflix queue?

Here at Janeane.info HQ, we're watching "The Minus Man" starring the man who nearly went minus on himself, Owen Wilson, and Janeane Garofalo.

View our album of screen shots from "The Minus Man" in the Janeane Garofalo Gallery. 

Janeane Garofalo gets lucky

No, no, not that way. The writer's strike has been settled just in time to avoid canceling the seventh season of "24." As Sean Hannity would say, let not your heart be troubled. Janeane will be back making neocon propaganda for FOX in two shakes of a waterboard.  Check out this promo for Janeane Garofalo on "24." 
 

A cry for help

In my room, or at least Janeane Garofalo doesn't have a sandbox like Brian Wilson: a clip from the Henry Rollins Show on the Independent Film Channel. Neurotic dog, neurotic owner, we always say. Janeane Garofalo's dog pees on her.

What is fame without dignity? -- Gennifer Flowers 

JG on TMZ

Well I'd do anything for a blonde dyke
And she'll do anything for the limelight.

-- Kanye West, "Stronger"

All the fascination of a 50-car pileup on the Interstate with no tedious waiting in traffic to see the good stuff. Janeane professes not to be in the fame game, but Janey, we know you called TMZ and let them know you were coming. (TMZ is owned by -- suprise, surprise -- Rupert Murdoch and FOX -- which also produces -- surprise, surprise -- "24".)

Deep convo with Garofalo: The ever-cheerful and heavily tatted Janeane Garofalo was spotted on trendy Robertson Blvd. yesterday, and stopped to give TMZ a lengthy dissertation on a few things; walking in L.A., the merits of Beverly Center, the United Arab Emirates, and underarm sweat. She's very well-versed. 

Janeane Garofalo: I'm Soooo Last Century!: http://www.tmz.com/2007/09/06/janeane-garofalo-im-soooo-last-century/

Get on top of Janeane Garofalo news and stay on top!

The truth about cats and dogs

Dr. Abby Barnes: If I was a guy, I think women would like, line up to go out with me. I'm smart. I have a good sense of humor. I make a great living.
Noelle: I'd fuck you.
Dr. Abby Barnes: Thank you, honey. I know you would.

-- The Truth about Cats and Dogs 

Join the "I'd fuck Janeane Garofalo" group on Facebook.    

Coming soon: put an application on Facebook that plays Janeane Garofalo photos and videos.                                       

Features

Using this page, you should be able to search this site. Unfortunately, all it seems to do is search the site's blog, Garofalogy.  We blame Yahoo! Web Hosting.  [Update: we've added Atomz search on the same page with far better results.]

Watch JGTV: all Janeane Garofalo all the time -- video clips of Janeane Garofalo on the World Wide Web. Don't ever miss JG on TV: Janeane Garofalo television listings at TV-Now.com.

Visit our portal, Garofalogic with a collection of Janeane Garofalo links and articles.

Take a survey: How long do you think Janeane Garofalo will keep dining out on the fact that she was right about Iraq?   Don't stop there: Prognosticate on how Janeane Garofalo will shuffle off this mortal coil.

Visit our gallery of Janeane Garofalo photographs and artwork where we've added an album of screenshots of Janeane Garofalo in "The MatchMaker." 

No longer will you be able to join our forum and hold scintillating discussions about Janeane Garofalo's bushy eyebrows on "The West Wing" with hundreds of other fans because it gotten taken over by spammers and we had to nuke it. However, you could always join The Janeane Garofalo Network where they have a forum as well as a lot of other features.

We've added a Janeane.info store so you can buy Janeane Garofalo crap, er, books and DVDs from Amazon. Make Janeane Garofalo even more obscenely rich than she already is! Make us enough money to buy a short at Starbucks!

Get your complete line of Venomous Pixie, G-lo, and Girafalo knickknacks at JG Gear! Get your JG for president tchotkes now at CafePress! Show off the junk in your trunk with classic JG for president thong panties at only $7.99! Soon to be a collector's item on eBay! All sold at cost! Pay it forward, baybee! Coming soon: Garofalo Crime Family souvenirs including a t-shirt emblazoned with the GFC motto: "Vaffanculo, Polizia di Stato," which means "Have a nice day, State Police" in Italian.

As Marc Maron would say, all items are baked made with love contempt.

We've added a Yahoo! 360 and WordPress blog. Our WordPress blog has all the latest news about America's formerly-cute-but-butchy sweetheart.

• Garofology : tightening Janeane Garofalo's sphincter since 2007

The 360 blog covers changes and additions to this web site.

• Yahoo! 360 blog

Online petitions

Sign a petition to get Janeane Garofalo to take her clothes off in a movie.

Sign a petition to get Janeane Garofalo to keep her clothes on in a movie.

Gee, Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas any more. We're not even in New Jersey. Geez, Thelma and Louise, even the Munchkins have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame while our own Munchkin, Janeane Garofalo, doesn't have one yet. Is that because she's also the Wicked Bitch of the East and West? It doesn't take hay for brains to figure that out. Buy her a star on the Boulevard and Californicate America's formerly-cute-but-underappreciated sweetheart:

Sign a petition to get Janeane Garofalo a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Hey, Janeane Garofalo knows how to play the crying game even better than Hillary Clinton.

Sign a petition to get Janeane Garofalo to run for president.

Stalking the wild Garofalo

Attenzione, paparazzi, "Girl Gone Wild: the Janeane Garofalo Story" is always looking for photos, candids, and sex tapes of Janeane Garofalo. Send them to photos @ janeane.info. Artists, we're always looking for caricatures, cartoons, comix, and portraits of America's formerly-cute-but-addicted sweetheart, not to mention Photoshopped pix of Janeane Garofalo dressed as a geisha servicing a withered Rupert Murdoch (even better: an actual photo of Janeane Garofalo dressed as a geisha servicing a withered Rupert Murdoch.) Uncle Rupie's fetish for Asian women is well-documented.

Send them to artwork @ janeane.info. If you prefer to have your dirty laundry delivered in a first class manner by a uniformed employee of the U.S. government who would no doubt be scandalized if they knew what they were carrying, bring it on (OK, OK, I stole that phrase from Dick Freeman, editor and publisher of the excellent XXX industry newsletter, BNI):

Chris Martin, P.O. Box 11242, Richmond, VA 23230.

Warning

This web site contains adult language, adult content, psychological nudity. Reader discretion is advised.