An archive of bits and pieces from this web site.

Seasons Greetings, or Ho, ho, ho: have a Garofalo Christmas!

We hope you enjoyed your turkey on Thanksgiving Day. The crack staff (insert your own joke here) at Janeane.info certainly did. In our case, it was a generous serving of "Wet Hot American Summer."

We particularly enjoyed the breast, especially at the end of the movie where the campers are leaving and Janeane Garofalo fills out her blouse oh-so-delectably. Always have a Janeane Garofalo turkey at Thanksgiving. They're tough and leathery on the outside, but warm, juicy, and tender on the inside, just like Janeane.

Janeane Garofalo spent Thanksgiving evening alone as usual, watching "Dodgeball" on her favorite television network, Fox, chain smoking English Ovals, drinking herself into a stupor, sobbing uncontrollably, and wailing, "Why, oh, why, did you have to leave me, Vince and Ben?"

There's added pathos in that Vaughn and Stiller have gone from one box office hit to another while Janeane gets left on the cutting room floor of Thanksgiving turkeys like "Southland Tales" (see at right).

Ironically, it was another star of "Dodgeball," Ben Stiller's wife, Christine Taylor, a beautiful blonde who is younger and taller than Janeane, that put her foot down and put a stop to Ben's mercy casting of Janeane in his movies. This also put an end to the furtive bjs Janeane used to give Ben as a reward in his trailer between takes on the set.

Stiller and Taylor are happily married with two fine children, which must also stick in Janeane's craw since she can't maintain a relationship for more than 15 minutes and is childless (she uses her dogs as substitutes).

Sadly, Janeane's many character defects, personality flaws, addictions, illnesses, and anger management problem make her totally unsuitable as a wife, mother, (maybe the dingo Janeane ate shook your baby), and even a girlfriend. Her growing realization of this has led to her becoming bitter, hard, and frustrated, lashing out at the world like a Scrooge without a chance of redemption.

She takes her solace in drinking, prescription drugs, and one-night-stands with her boy toys, young wannabe rock stars that she picks up in bars in Manhattan and LA. Merry Christmas, Janeane!

-- Christmas, 2007

Campaigns heat up

As we approach the start of the presidential primaries, the campaigns are getting dirtier and dirtier. The Clinton campaign is peddling a story that Barack Obama sold cocaine, The National Enquirer says that John Edwards had a love child, and The Drudge Report  has linked to a story that Janeane Garofalo has started a group called "Hollywood Dope Fiends for Kucinich," which in a impressive showing, filled the Hollywood Bowl in its first meeting. None of these stories are true. That is all.  

-- January, 2007

The reviews are in: "Southland Tales" sucks, with or without Janeane Garofalo

The Washington Post called it the "worst-reviewed film at Cannes."

• Los Angeles Times: "manic and scattered"
• New York Post: "aggressively bad"
• Killer Movie Reviews: "pointless, rambling and irritating"
• New York Magazine: "It was like watching Howard the Duck with a high fever." 
• Premiere Magazine: "no damn good"
• The Washington Post: "exasperatingly convoluted, self-amused and politically sophmoric"